The Empathy Spectrum

1. Dr. Robert M. Sapolsky wrote that increasing oxytocin, the incorrectly popularized so-called "love chemical," actually elevates xenophobia and increases tribalism. Much love.

Sapolsky, R. M. (2017). Behave: The biology of humans at our best and worst. Penguin Press.

2. Emphatic distress is when you experience someone else's emotional pain, as interpreted personally by you. Interpretations, of course, can be wrong–which is why often people prone to emphatic distress end up feeling worse than the person they're mirroring!

3. This is in fact one of the main causes of burnout for mental health workers.

4. It's a big reason why a lot of people won't watch gory torture films like Saw despite enjoying horror films in general.

5. Know someone like that in your life?

6. Therefore not to be automatically praised.

7. Note that not all sadists are the same. I'm referring specifically to the ones that get aroused by the fact that you are feeling pain as they get to fantasize, with the help of your live-suffering, about feeling your pain in the form of a real-life projection.

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“Have some empathy.” It’s quite the buzz-phrase nowadays, and often expressed synonymously with “compassion” as something seemingly inherently positive and definitely desirable. But it’s never really that simple now is it? A mother bear who’s very compassionate toward her cub probably won’t be very compassionate toward you!¹ So, as usual, it’s good to be aware of the nuances of the topic so that we can better understand where we are. This is especially relevant if you’re prone to emphatic distress.²

In this article, I aim to clarify the different types of empathy and explore each area’s utility and shortcomings, so that we may have a wider understanding of the topic in order to better help those suffering from its adverse effects.

What is empathy?

It’s the capacity to understand and feel what another’s going through.

Sounds harmless? It depends. We all know people who are overly sensitive to others’ emotions, so much so that as the interaction goes on, sometimes they may begin to feel worse than the person they’re trying to counsel or help!³ The ability to feel another’s pain is not something that’s inherently positive; sometimes it’s a downright hindrance. Imagine going to a doctor in tears trying to get answers for something that you think might be serious, only to have the doctor start crying their eyes out as well. Not very reassuring, and you’d probably feel even worse about your own situation. On the other hand, if the doctor is able to understand your feelings and situation while remaining calm and professional, you’d probably feel less panicked and begin to settle down in anticipation for his or her medical advice. So what do people mean when they say the word empathy?

First, we need to differentiate between the 3 types of empathy: Cognitive empathy (capacity to understand another’s emotional state), affective empathy (capacity to feel another’s emotions), and somatic empathy (capacity to mirror physical sensations).

Cognitive, Affective, & Somatic Empathy

Cognitive empathy is mostly intellectual (thought-based), whereas the other two are more physical (felt in the body). While sharing the “empathy” part, they play out very differently from one another and irresponsibly lumping them together through definitional conflation muddies the term to the detriment of understanding.

Somatic empathy is why we physically cringe when we watch videos of a needle slowly getting closer to someone’s wide open eye⁴, or a classic one for men is the “Hnngh!!!" reaction when we see another man getting kicked in the crotch. It’s also the reason pornography is so popular. Without somatic empathy we lose any physical relation to others’ state of physical being, and a real sense of isolation may result in some cases. Too much somatic empathy, and we overly feel another’s physical state. Good or bad will then depend on the physical state of the other. Hooray if they’re feeling great, sucks if the opposite.

With cognitive empathy however, there are no downsides in having high levels of it. It’s a given that the more you are able to understand what another’s going through intellectually, the better you will be able to help them (or manipulate them if you’re up to no good) within their interpretative frame. Think of it as a skill. Someone without cognitive empathy is socially clueless and constantly misreads others.⁵ Assuming you don’t have a genetic defect, as with most skills, you can get better at this through experience and practice. Usually this development starts with better self-awareness, as we are our own best reference point as to how we imagine others experience themselves and the world around them.

The more cognitively emphatic you are, the more accurately you can predict another’s emotional state.

What you do with that knowledge afterwards is your choice, so while it is beneficial (to you) to have high levels of cognitive empathy, morally speaking, it’s inherently neutral.⁶

Affective empathy on the other hand, is a mixed bag and its utility is heavily dependent on context. As per the example of the doctor, too much affective empathy in the company of a suffering other is almost always a negative for the both of you. No doubt you will know someone (it might be you) who hates confrontation or bringing others bad news because they can’t help but become infected with the sadness of others that come with the receiving of said bad news. Interestingly but unsurprisingly, sadists tend to have higher levels of affective empathy, as it is precisely their ability to feel your suffering that turns them on.⁷ Some psychopaths tend to score pretty low on affective empathy despite usually having average to high levels of cognitive empathy; meaning they are less compassionate, and less concerned with others’ suffering, which makes perfect sense as they do not take on the suffering of their victims as the rest of us would, making their crimes easier on themselves. In that case, you might think, “Well, I’m not a psychopath and don’t want to be one, so isn’t low levels of affective empathy just something inherently bad then?” No, it’s also inherently neutral. If you’re in a life or death scenario where there’s someone or something who’s actively working towards ending your life (and maybe also that of your family and kin), low-levels of affective empathy might just be what is necessary to rid yourself of the hesitation that could otherwise get you (and those you care about) killed.⁸ There’s a place for everything on the empathy spectrum, and if you think about this through an evolutionary lens, you'll see that’s why there’s a spectrum to begin with.

It depends on the context. Nuance is key here.

Now assuming you are skilled in cognitive empathy, if you are frequently finding yourself overwhelmed by others’ suffering in a way that creates a lose-lose scenario, it likely have something to do with your levels of affective empathy. There are many potential triggers for this, ranging all the way from diet to childhood trauma. Your job is then to confront reality to the best of your ability and figure out what the triggers are for you personally, and the sources from which they originate. Only afterwards can you begin to devise a strategy to overcome or integrate them. Coaching is something that can facilitate and streamline that process.

As you can see, saying things like “empathy is great” is not saying much at all, and can be interpreted as being downright wrong in many contexts. It’s important to understand the different types of empathy and their context-dependent utility, so that we can better help those that suffer from its adverse effects.

8. As the final boss character Isshin famously says in the hit video game Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, "Hesitation is defeat."